I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
Randomize