Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
I can feel your judgement through the phone
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
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