I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
