I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
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