Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
