If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
Randomize
