Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
