Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Randomize