You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
Randomize
