we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Randomize
