So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
Randomize
