The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
Randomize
