the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
