I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
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