oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Randomize
