i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
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