You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Randomize
