Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
It's rum buckets o'clock
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
Randomize
