I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Randomize
