i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
I really don't want to move...I'm having a motivation problem.
kev is about to show us pictures of the tranny he accidentally fucked last night.
I'll be there in 10
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
Randomize
