Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
