Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
Randomize
