Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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