We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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