The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
