Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
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