Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
I want her autograph on my taint
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
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