Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
