I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
