I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
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