Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
Randomize