I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
I'm pretty sure that every show on ABC Family could be turned into a drinking game.
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
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