We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
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