Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Randomize
