did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
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