I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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