theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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