I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
Randomize