it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
Randomize