Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
Randomize
