we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize
