Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
Randomize