SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
Houston, we have a blender
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Randomize
