im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Randomize
