turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
Randomize
