So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize
