Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
