i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
Randomize