I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
Randomize
