Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
