Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
it's great music for shaving your balls
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
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