Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
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