When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
Randomize
