Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
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