if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
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