if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Randomize
