the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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