Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
