She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
