What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
Randomize