singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
Randomize
