He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
tonight lets celebrate not being married
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
Randomize
