The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
Pants are for mortals
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
Randomize
